Currently Listening The Best Little Secrets Are Kept By Louis XIV see related

- Finding Out True Love is Blind

so, i haven't updated in over a year ;)

aren't i special?

tulane has become the u of atlantis and i have no clothes... going out to do that 2nite. hopefully it will all work out ok...........................

hopefully northwestern or loyola or depaul will take me *wants northwestern*

talk to everyone soon..

ok, so why does my mom think that everything i wear/like to wear is too tight? does anyone else think that i am busting out of my clothes inappropriatly (sp?) ? cause i don't. i actually think that in comparison to most, i am a lot more neatly dressed and more, well, i hestitate to say conservatively, but yes, i guess, dressed.

and so we went shopping tonight, mainly for shoes because i am going to France next wednesday and i have to have comfortable walking shoes. so, we went to nordstroms b/c they are having their half-year sale and i got a pair of new black flip flops b/c i can feel the bumps in the pavement on my current pair, a pair of dressy flats, and a pair of normal flats. this was HER idea to go shopping tonight, mind you. *problems start here*

so, SHE says, oh why don't you go look at your section (juniors) and find stuff or whatever. and i was like, ok, cool. so, i go downstairs to the section and i am picking out stuff and then i go to try it on and she sees me in these white pants that i thought looked really nice, they were not low cut, and they were flattering. i really liked them.

 and she comes in to see them and just loses it. she's like you are so fat and you ALWAYS wear stuff that is too low or tight or whatever.

and i was like... so does every other teenage girl. i am sorry if i am not some exception to that rule... and then she started going on about how much i put her through and all sorts of crap that just were not true... it was sooooo slanted.

and she was like all you EVER EVER  think about is you! i was like... are u kidding? i want to go work for the UN and be like a aide person in like africa or something... i have not told her that though b/c she will freak the fuck out...

see, she normally would have no problem with the pants or the shirt with which i was trying it on, but since i am going to france next week, she has a problem with everything b/c she can't protect me. she has decided (in her head) that i will get mugged and i will get raped and i will lose everything... and everything else bad that could happen, will happen because, she, "God's other perfect child" will not be there to watch out for me... thus, pants that she thinks are "too tight" = me getting raped thousands of miles away.

anyone else wanna back me up, that, when i need to be, i am pretty responsible??? yah.. so that was really irritating.

more soon... (will finish story laterz...talking to alan...)

My college essay.. .oh joy! please tell me your comments :)

Question:  Evaluate a significant experience or achievement that has special meaning for you.

More Than a Century of Dishonor

A girl of about six reaches into the sandy soil at our day camp to pick up her rice cake from where it has fallen. She will subsist on this rice cake, one more, and some water today because her parents have chosen to pay their cable bill rather than purchase adequate food to nourish their daughter.

        She does not look like a typical six-year old, because she is quite small, most likely from malnourishment. Her hair is lice-infested, and of the teeth that remain in her giggling mouth, most are jagged from decay.

        This is not Iraq, Somalia, or any of the countless other countries to which the US provides billions of dollars in aide and/or food. Rather, it is Pine Ridge Indian Reservation, South Dakota, United States of America.

                        Following two and a half days riding in a fifteen passenger van with other youth from my church and our leaders, we arrived at the school that became our home for the week. After breakfast the next day, we began our work of painting houses, interacting with the surrounding community, and taking care of children, such as the girl described above.

As I began painting houses in the 105º heat, I realized the consequences of the injustices committed against the native inhabitants of our country and others. Since they had been isolated, they were distrusting of strangers, even though they partially relied on outsiders, such as me, to help them. Our experiences with the individual persons and a closer look at the US government’s policies towards Native American nations saddened us. The self-appointed name of this tribe is Oglala or Lakota, yet, the US has officially renamed them Sioux, meaning “enemy” in the Chippewa language. The US, though, is not the only nation with a poor Native American relations record; most other world powers have one, too, sadly.

            On the fifth day, after refusing to lock up my spending money in the safe, many others and I returned to find that our money had been stolen. $200, gone. As I reported the theft, the leader of the group smiled at me and said, “They need it more than you do. Think of it as a very large contribution to God.”

            After the initial shock, I realized the depth of what he had just said. I understood that I did not have time to whine or complain about the money, the heat, or how I missed my stuffed Eeyore. There was time, though, to help these people, especially the children, of Pine Ridge, many of whom are born into alcoholism, drug use, and abusive families.

            More than that though, I then recognized that helping the destitute in this country and around the world was what I wanted to do with my life. This experience drastically changed my life, and I will repeat the experience at a different reservation this summer, and hopefully many more times in the future.